Thursday, January 19, 2012

The word of my day is Recognize!

Lately I have been recognizing little changes in my life, things I have now that I didn't Pre-Lap Band.

My dog Baby, which I have had since she was a puppy, 7 years old, stopped sitting in my lap a few years ago, with the exception of when I sat on the couch. When sitting on the couch she was really half on my lap and half on the couch. I don’t think she could get comfy on my lap in regular chairs, because honestly, there wasn’t much room for her. My belly, large legs and odd angles I sat at to be comfortable in these chairs prevented her from sitting in my lap.

Now I can’t seem to keep her off my lap. She jumps up, does a couple little circles and promptly lies down and falls asleep. I cannot tell you how much I missed my little Baby sitting with me as I read, or sit outside and watch my kids play.

Another new change, when walking and my shadow falls in front of me, I don’t cringe anymore. It’s really not that big. I have only lost 27 pounds since I got the lap band, but my weight loss journey started in July 2010 and I am 100 pounds lighter now. I like my shadow, I like to look at it and recognize my curves. I feel more womanly as I stare at it and find myself swaying my hips and walking with a little swagger!

My husband cannot keep his hands off of me, he is insatiable lately! He can pick me up, he can move me into more comfortable and exciting positions, and he grabs me around my waist and picks me up off the ground. Ladies let me tell you something, being picked up by a man, and NOT seeing a wince on their face...holly cow does that make you feel tiny.

My rings, my bracelets, my shoes...all either fit me better or are too big. I shop in my closet almost every morning...ya know pulling down the cloths from the top of the closet, the ones that have dust on them because they have been too small for too long?!?!

Loving all these new changes and little tiny recognitions each day that remind why I wanted this surgery, why I knew I would be happier when I was lighter.

It feels good to be me, for the first time in a very long time, I feel men watching me as I walk by, I feel confidence exuding off of me, I like me and that feels FABULOUS!

So on to the BIG SCARE!!! I had my first fill on Thursday (1/5/12); I had it in the evening, so my first real day of eating was Friday. Let me back up, I ended up with only 0.7 CC's, and it seems that little bit is VERY close to my sweet spot. I think I will go back in a week or two to add another 0.1 or 0.2 cc's, but I do recognize how lucky I am to be here after only one fill.

Anyhow, Friday morning I had a small breakfast and did not get hungry until 12pm (I ate at 6:30am). That was exciting, LOVED IT! That evening I had chicken wings for dinner, 4 of them and after eating the 4th I knew I should have stopped at 3. I am still learning to recognize the signs of fullness.

Anyhow my mouth started to salivate; I knew whatever was stuck or causing the pain I needed to get it out. I salivated and threw up nothing but saliva for about 10 minutes, then up comes a small chunk of meat... (another hard thing for me to learn is to eat SLOWLY and chew THOROUGHLY, but as you will see as this story progresses, I think I learned my lesson) and about 30 seconds later I throw up more saliva, this time with blood in it.

I WAS SO SCARED! I cried, I looked up information online, which only scared me more. My husband and I decided that if I were to puke up blood again we would go immediately to the ER and that I would make an appointment to go the hospital in Flagstaff for barium and make sure I am all ok around my tummy area.

It was a terrifying experience, one of the downfalls of having your surgery in another country is that I cannot really just head into my surgeons office when this sort of thing happens. I called my surgeon, he recommended a barium view. Which I am going to do. BUT MAN OH MAN was that scary.

Do any of you have similar scary stories to share?

So in conclusion I recognized a lot this week, I recognized how far I have come, I recognize that I am starting to like my body again, I recognize the small and large things in life I had been missing out on, I recognize that I need to eat slower, chew more thoroughly.

Mostly I recognize a me I have not seen in a very long time.

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