Thursday, January 19, 2012

The word of my day is Recognize!

Lately I have been recognizing little changes in my life, things I have now that I didn't Pre-Lap Band.

My dog Baby, which I have had since she was a puppy, 7 years old, stopped sitting in my lap a few years ago, with the exception of when I sat on the couch. When sitting on the couch she was really half on my lap and half on the couch. I don’t think she could get comfy on my lap in regular chairs, because honestly, there wasn’t much room for her. My belly, large legs and odd angles I sat at to be comfortable in these chairs prevented her from sitting in my lap.

Now I can’t seem to keep her off my lap. She jumps up, does a couple little circles and promptly lies down and falls asleep. I cannot tell you how much I missed my little Baby sitting with me as I read, or sit outside and watch my kids play.

Another new change, when walking and my shadow falls in front of me, I don’t cringe anymore. It’s really not that big. I have only lost 27 pounds since I got the lap band, but my weight loss journey started in July 2010 and I am 100 pounds lighter now. I like my shadow, I like to look at it and recognize my curves. I feel more womanly as I stare at it and find myself swaying my hips and walking with a little swagger!

My husband cannot keep his hands off of me, he is insatiable lately! He can pick me up, he can move me into more comfortable and exciting positions, and he grabs me around my waist and picks me up off the ground. Ladies let me tell you something, being picked up by a man, and NOT seeing a wince on their face...holly cow does that make you feel tiny.

My rings, my bracelets, my shoes...all either fit me better or are too big. I shop in my closet almost every morning...ya know pulling down the cloths from the top of the closet, the ones that have dust on them because they have been too small for too long?!?!

Loving all these new changes and little tiny recognitions each day that remind why I wanted this surgery, why I knew I would be happier when I was lighter.

It feels good to be me, for the first time in a very long time, I feel men watching me as I walk by, I feel confidence exuding off of me, I like me and that feels FABULOUS!

So on to the BIG SCARE!!! I had my first fill on Thursday (1/5/12); I had it in the evening, so my first real day of eating was Friday. Let me back up, I ended up with only 0.7 CC's, and it seems that little bit is VERY close to my sweet spot. I think I will go back in a week or two to add another 0.1 or 0.2 cc's, but I do recognize how lucky I am to be here after only one fill.

Anyhow, Friday morning I had a small breakfast and did not get hungry until 12pm (I ate at 6:30am). That was exciting, LOVED IT! That evening I had chicken wings for dinner, 4 of them and after eating the 4th I knew I should have stopped at 3. I am still learning to recognize the signs of fullness.

Anyhow my mouth started to salivate; I knew whatever was stuck or causing the pain I needed to get it out. I salivated and threw up nothing but saliva for about 10 minutes, then up comes a small chunk of meat... (another hard thing for me to learn is to eat SLOWLY and chew THOROUGHLY, but as you will see as this story progresses, I think I learned my lesson) and about 30 seconds later I throw up more saliva, this time with blood in it.

I WAS SO SCARED! I cried, I looked up information online, which only scared me more. My husband and I decided that if I were to puke up blood again we would go immediately to the ER and that I would make an appointment to go the hospital in Flagstaff for barium and make sure I am all ok around my tummy area.

It was a terrifying experience, one of the downfalls of having your surgery in another country is that I cannot really just head into my surgeons office when this sort of thing happens. I called my surgeon, he recommended a barium view. Which I am going to do. BUT MAN OH MAN was that scary.

Do any of you have similar scary stories to share?

So in conclusion I recognized a lot this week, I recognized how far I have come, I recognize that I am starting to like my body again, I recognize the small and large things in life I had been missing out on, I recognize that I need to eat slower, chew more thoroughly.

Mostly I recognize a me I have not seen in a very long time.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Took so long...but I am here to talk

Please forgive my long absense, my computer has been (for lack of a better word) in the shop!!

Things are moving along, much the same as the last time I posted. I can still eat much more than I think I should be able to, considering my band is only 4cc and I had a prefilled band with 1cc placed. But this coming weekend I can get my first fill and I am thinking that will make a HUGE differance.

Other than that I am trying to excersice more often and eat better. I still struggle with this, but hey my addiction to food didnt just leave when I had the surgery.

I hope everyone's new year was a good one, I had the best one yet spent the night with my family and really enjoyed the night!

Weight loss: 25 pounds

Lap Band Gal, if you are reading this, I would LOVE LOVE to see a copy of your daily menus, I am pretty sure you have posted them in the past but was unable to locate them. My email is  thank you in advance!

Friday, December 16, 2011

What to eat...what to eat and WHY am I sooooo HUNGRY! GRRR

So I am on solid foods and I can eat A LOT more than I thought I would be able to. For example I ate an entire cheese enchilada and a tiny bit of beans the other day. Granted prior to my surgery I would have has two enchiladas, rice, beans, sour cream, guacamole and lots of chips and salsa. But I am surprised constantly about the amount I can eat until I feel full and how OFTEN I am hungry.

I am assuming this is because I need my first fill and food is moving from my new small stomach to my larger stomach pretty quickly.

But my weight is up and down EVERY DAY!!

I finally feel up to working out, so I will start that this weekend. Hopefully that will help with the weight. As for my first fill, cannot have that until January 7th...GRRRR!!!

Is this something any of you other banders experienced during their first 6 weeks after surgery???

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Is this the heard about but never felt restriction?

So it seems that I have finally felt restriction...let me take a step back, my band was pre-filled, so my 4cc band already has 1cc in it. I think I have felt restriction either that or my body just cant handle yogurt.

I have tried to eat yogurt twice, once at about 3pm and once at 7am, both times after only a bite or two I get an uncomfortable feeling in my is a very difficult feeling to describe, it kind of feels like restriction though.

Weird.....strange new feelings that I am unfamiliar with, wish I could feel and KNOW what it was I was feeling.

By the way, my weight is still up and down, right now the scale shows I am down 20 lbs, but yesterday it showed that I was only down 16....weird!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Stange new world

So I have moved onto pureed food and wow it is so bizarre to get full SO FAST! Even with my smaller dishes (courtesy of my sister Emily and by the advice of Lap Band Girl) I am still managing to make TOO MUCH FOOD!!!

For example I made my husband and kids bean and cheese burritos for dinner, so i took some beans and pureed them with a little water and soy milk, after about 4 bites I was stuffed. SO WEIRD! I mean my biggest struggle has always been portion size, meaning I ate too much. Weird that now I will have too much left over!!

I have found one thing I make to be quite delicious, so I thought I would share. I take Turkey Chili with Beans (1 large spoon full) and cream cheese (1 large spoon full), puree it down really really fine, then add in water until it is the thin consistency that I require. Heat in microwave for about 1 minute and YUMM!!

Another concoction I am really enjoying is avocado, one small avocado, 1 large spoon full of cream cheese, pureed down until no lumps, add in soy milk (or water) until the right consistency, add a tiny tiny amount of salt.

My weight has fluctuated over the last few days, I am assuming this is because on the introduction of pureed food. It went up by 2 pounds and now is back down again. 
I go back to work tomorrow, I am nervous and excited, nervous because I think I will be exhausted by 1pm and excited because it feels like I am a big deal past the healing phase and onto the whole "starting my new life" phase! I have already packed my lunch and made a smoothie in case I want breakfast around 10 (which has been about when I finally get hungry). 

Wish me luck friends, I am going out into the big bad junk food filled world as a new woman!

Surgery Date: 11-26-11
Weight loss: 18 pounds

Friday, December 2, 2011

Lap Band recovery doesnt seem so bad compared to parenting today

Today has been a bit of a tough day for me, I made a HUGE mistake last night and decided that I needed to put Triple Antibiotic Ointment on my port site and then head to bed. It soaked in ALL NIGHT and of course the incision started leaking.

I was so scared something was wrong, but everything is ok, just me being a dumbass...oh well, at least I learned NEVER EVER care for your incisions in the middle of the night when you are half awake.

So I spent an incredibly stressed out morning, thinking that my band was leaking or that there was something really wrong with me. As if that wasn't stressful enough I also had a really difficult morning with my 9 year old.

Without going into too much detail I will just say she was caught in a HUGE web of lies between Jay & I, her other mom, her teacher and her grandma. She told 6 different lies and they ALL came out today. SHE WAS CAUGHT!! One of her lies was that she was so sick and her throat hurt so much that she could not go to school. After sending her anyway, because I saw no redness, no runny nose and no fever, she threw a HUGE fit at the drop off and Jay brought her home because she was crying about how sick she was.She was fine but didn't want to go to school because the homework, she said she had completed, was not done and due today at school.

To make matters worse when her teacher went through her desk to gather work to send home for her (at my request) a horrible note she had written was found.

So I spent day 6 freaked out over my leaky port incision and pissed off at my 9 year old. I also spent a great deal of time feeling guilty for being so mad and for giving her her punishment.

One good thing did happen today, I was cleared to move on to my next phase of eating, puree here I come!!!

Surgery date: 11/26/2011
Pounds Lost: 18

Thursday, December 1, 2011

This is a NO Coughing or Sneezing Zone!!

I'M HOME!!! I DID IT!!! I HAVE THE BAND!!! Oh wow, I have wanted this for so long, I can't believe its happened, its crazy for me to think I am FINALLY on this side of things. I have looked at thousands of before and after pictures over the years, read countless blogs, all the while thinking "Oh they are so lucky to have had it, to be where they want to be". And here I am, on that side of things, I am unbelievably excited for my life!!
I wont lie though, its been a bit of a rough journey thus far. I was TERRIFIED to have the surgery, below is a picture of me the morning of my surgery. My husband took it in the hallway outside our hotel room and I had been crying all morning, could not even summon a smile. But it is my before, so here you go.

Once I arrived at the hospital that morning I learned I was the first surgery of the day. Immediately my nerves set in, I could not stop crying or shaking. The anesthesiologist came in and met me, she was so nice. She said she needed to give me something to calm me down prior to surgery. Below is a picture taken minutes before my surgery and a smile on my face, a clear result of the "calming meds" I received! I'm holding a bear my sweet sister gave me to hug since she couldn't be there with me.

Waking up was difficult I was overcome with nausea, and it was EXTREMELY painful to move in the slightest. But after a night spent walking about every hour and no sleep, I was released to go home Sunday.

I've spent these last 5 days trying to relax and heal. There are so many unfamiliar pains, sounds, stretching and pulling going in my tummy that it is hard to figure out what the heck everything means. The desire to curl into myself instead of walking upright is overwhelming. But I have forced myself to stand up straight, like a good patient!

Day 4 and 5 (today) have been easier. I spent Day 1, 2 & 3 post-op unable to get up on my own, coming to tears when I had a sneeze or cough or someone made me laugh. While sneezing & coughing are still a NIGHTMARE, I can get up and down from my new bed (a recliner in the living room) without the help of anyone. Yesterday I walked my culdesac twice, once in the morning and once in the evening. 

My port site still hurts quite a bit, and I do need to stand up and sit down slowly, but its bearable. I go back to work on Monday and I think I will be ok. I may have a coupe of half days in my future, but I think I am right on track!

Food has been a challenge, broth, jello, frozen sugar free this in any way supposed to satisfy you?!?!? Today I called the surgeon and got clearance to add protein drinks to my daily diet... THANK GAWD!!! I was ready to eat this recliner!!! Actually in truth I didn't feel hunger until yesterday and that wasn't much but today HOLY BALLS GIVE A BANDER SOME FOOD!!

I have been blessed to have had visitors everyday this week to help me out! My hubby stayed home with me Monday, my BFF and cousin was here Tuesday & Wednesday and my beautimus Sister Katy was here Wednesday and today and my other beautimus sister came over last night.

I think I overdid it quite a bit yesterday, so I promised my husband and sister I would do nothing but relax today! So here I am with my two favorite little animals in the world, my doggy Baby and my puppy Lucy! (momma & daughter).

I wanted to thank everyone for the well wishes and messages of encouragements! I am so excited to be on this journey and think its pretty dang cool to have people reading along with me!
So I am not comfortable posting my weight, but I do intend to give my weight LOSS results! I lost 7.5 pounds during the week before in my pre-op diet, and since then I am down an additional 10.5 pounds...YEP 18 pounds down!!
surgery date 11-26-2011
pounds lost 18